Many of us give time and care to create a home that makes us feel safe and comfortable, adorned with objects we enjoy. It’s a mosaic reflection of who we are now and who we have been that warms our heart, inviting our nervous systems to feel welcome and relaxed.

With pictures, throw pillows, and side tables that were placed with at least some level of intention, aspects of our lives are visibly represented, arranged in ways that feel good or are practical and unique to our family’s lifestyle.

Even if we’ve been saying we want to clear the clutter for a while, we live in spaces we can see and touch that say, “I live here.” We have personalized them.

But most of us haven’t used the same care to curate our inner worlds as thoughtfully. Or we’ve attempted to, with varying degrees of success.

We hold ideas and habits that belong to others or to our past, that don’t quite fit us now. We have beliefs that box us into a corner or create a single pathway to the door with no room to dance along the way.

If these ideas were chipped plates, broken tables, or artwork we didn’t like, we would have thrown them out or donated them a long time ago!

When you clear out objects that don’t suit you, it creates spaciousness in your home. And friends and family members may comment about how nice and welcoming it feels.

However, when you let go of beliefs and ways of being that are old or don’t suit who you are now, people sometimes respond in less enthusiastic ways. They may feel threatened or confused about changes and try to, subtly or obviously, steer you back to the way things were.

But those moments aren’t actually about them. They’re an opportunity for you.

Pause in the moment… turn back toward yourself… and consider the inner space you want to live in. How is your inner space personalized for who you are now?

If someone encouraged you to bring back the chipped plate, would you run out and rescue it and put it back in your cabinet? Probably not. But that is often what we do with our old beliefs and habits.

We think we do this out of love, to stay connected with the other person. But we’re actually trying to match the version of us they are holding inside of them, often without awareness of how it’s causing clutter inside of us. It can feel deeply confusing for both people.

Maybe the chipped plate can become part of a beautiful mosaic table in your space, if you love that kind of art. Or maybe you give it to them and let them keep it in their space. Or maybe it gets thrown out, and you both learn to see your home as a place without chipped plates.

No one else can design an inner space that feels warm and true to the woman who you are. It can take courage, and care, and attention…and you’re worth it!

 

Reflection Questions:

External Personalization

• What is in your space that you love and feels authentically like you?
• What is in your space that no longer feels like you or the woman you are becoming now?
• What small change do you sense would make your home or space feel more comfortable for the woman you are?

Internal Personalization

• What beliefs and habits have you learned and cultivated that truly support the woman you are now?
• What beliefs and habits do you sense no longer serve you or may interfere with expression of the woman you are now?
• What small inner change do you sense would make space for or express more fully the woman who you are?

Next Steps

• Are there any next steps you would like to take? There are no wrong answers. ‘No’ is a perfectly valid response.
• What is one thing you can acknowledge and appreciate about yourself?